The Night After Christmas...

This is something I wrote a long time ago but I thought I'd share it with everyone this morning.  It's a bit irreverent, maybe even disrespectful.  But it's all meant in fun and I enjoyed writing it.  Hope you all agree.


T'was the night after Christmas, when all through the house
not a creature was stirring; (the cat got the mouse).
The stockings, once hung on the chimney with care,
were now on the floor; the chimney was bare.
The children weren't nestled or snug in their beds.
They were playing football with helmets on their heads.
And I in my underwear and Seahawks cap
had just settled down on the couch for a nap.

When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
I jumped from the couch to see what was the matter.

I ran to the front door, tripped over the rug,

and landed on my face with a thud.

The moon shining down on that dark, dreary night

about halfway made up for the broken street light.
And I thought to myself as I rose from the floor
"Who's the idiot who put that rug by the door?."

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

but that man in the red suit, drinking a beer.
He was sloppy and dirty, covered with soot
from the top of his head to the sole of his foot.
There was mud on his clothes, on the hat and the fur,
and when he saw me, he said with a slur....

"Christmas is over. My job is done.
It's time for me to have some fun.
I'm going to Bermuda, away from the toys,
away from those ungrateful girls and boys.
I give them all presents and what do I get?
A cold and a sore throat from getting all wet.
The reindeer are eating my money away
and I only use them on Christmas Day.
Mrs. Claus told me not to come home drunk this year,
so I'm going to a bar to drink some more beer!

"Then Santa stumbled and fell in the snow,
and I heard him chuckle a soft "Ho, ho, ho".

"I guess I really do need to sit down,
but it sure is cold sitting here on the ground.".
When I invited him in, he was up in a wink, asking
"Say, you got anything in your house to drink?"
I offered him coffee and a place to lay down,
but he said "Not a chance, I'm going out on the town!
There's one night a year that I party like this,
and this is one night I'm not going to miss!"

Then licking a finger and picking his nose,
he belched twice and then - up the chimney he rose.
He slipped on the ice and fell from the roof,
and landed in the yard with an "OOF"
But he jumped up quickly and staggered away,
and I still can't believe what I heard to this day.
I heard him exclaim as he faded from sight
"I'd trade all my reindeer for a cold Miller Light!"