I read an article last night called “Why I Hate Mothers’ Day”. The title alone drew my interest. It was written by a woman, who is a mother herself, and I can only guess that she is unhappy and liberal. I’m not judging her for her opinion but here’s why I think she is wrong in her ideas.
She says that Mothers’ Day is about making women who are
mothers seem better and more special than those who are not mothers. She says it makes (or tries to make) women
who are not mothers to be somehow inferior to all the moms in the world. As Colonel Sherman Potter used to say on “M*A*S*H”… “Horse hockey!” (One of my favorite shows ever, by the way.)
Mothers’ Day is about celebrating the women of the world who
give us life and allowing our children to do the same thing. After all, everyone on Earth had a mother at
one time. They wouldn't be here
otherwise.
And sure – mothers are special – at least most of them. Some women should never be allowed to have
children for various reasons, just as some men should never be allowed to be
fathers. Let’s face it – there are
people who simply do not have the moral aptitude, the discipline, or the
ability to love and give of themselves to have children and raise them
successfully. I’m not talking about
them.
The author went on to say she had taught her son not to
acknowledge Mothers’ Day – not because she doesn’t want his love and
appreciation but because celebrating Mothers’ Day just isn’t fair to those
women who are not mothers. She says she will probably live to regret that
decision because as she gets older if her son doesn’t acknowledge her on Mothers’
Day it will hurt her. But gee – you can’t
have it both ways.
The woman said she also hates Valentine’s Day because it is
unfair to people who don’t have anyone special to love. (Are you getting the liberalism thing
yet?) So based on the things she wrote,
here is how I see her. She’s a single
mother, bitter about past relationships (particularly with the father of her
child), who didn’t have a warm, loving family relationship. She somehow believes that hating Mothers’
Day, a day that should make her happy to have her son, is going to somehow make
that a little better. And she’s very
liberal in her views on politics and life in general.
Sound about right? Of
course – I could be wrong in my assessment.
But I don’t think so.
As a parent whose child died, I suppose I have every right
to hate Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day because people will be celebrating
something that I no longer have. I could
grab on to my pain and grief and be angry and bitter because Christopher is no
longer here. I have never once felt that
way. The very first Fathers’ Day following
Christopher’s death I was at a group function with some friends and
acquaintances. One of the guys hadn’t
seen his estranged son for several years and was talking about how badly he felt. Many of these people didn’t know about
Christopher and when I became visibly saddened by his story I was encouraged to
tell my own.
As I was telling the group about Christopher, the door
opened and Tom’s son walked in. Of
course, he was overjoyed to see him and immediately got up and went to hug
him. After a while he came back over to
me and said “I didn’t know about Christopher and I feel badly that my son is
here and yours isn’t.” I shook his hand
and gave him a hug and said “Tom – I’m so happy for you that you got your boy
back. Don’t ever feel badly about
that. Celebrate with him and enjoy him
while you can.” My heart was heavy that
day because of my loss. But seeing the
joy in Tom’s eyes when his son walked into the room brightened my spirits
immensely. I was genuinely happy for
him.
Mothers’ Day (and Fathers’ Day) is about celebrating those
who gave us life and celebrating the lives we brought into the world. I loved my mother – and still do even though
she’s been gone for 20 years. I’m proud
to be a father, even if my son is no longer here. The title alone is something no one can ever
take away from me. And I pity that poor
woman who thinks it’s all about being unfair and demeaning to childless
women. That’s not it at all.
Happy Mothers’ Day to all the moms out there - even to the one who wrote the article. It’s not a day to demean and devalue
childless women but a day to celebrate your own mother. It's a day to revel in the joy
of your own children and, as they grow older, for them to celebrate you. There’s nothing demeaning to anyone in
that. It’s about love.
Maybe the author of the article should try to start “National
Womens’ Day” or “You Don’t Have To Be A Mom To Be Special Day” or something
like that. Or maybe she should get over
her guilt about being a mother when other women aren’t and learn to celebrate that
wonderful part of her life. There’s nothing wrong with celebrating being a
mom. Without them we would all cease to
exist.
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