Dragonfly...

I watched the movie “Dragonfly” last night. I’m not sure why I watched it because I knew the end of the movie was going to hurt me. But I watched it anyway. It’s strange how, after some time has gone by, you begin to feel good about situations as in “Dragonfly”, when the man finds his lost daughter after his wife dies, even as you cry while watching it.

I miss my son. I miss him every day. Not a single day goes by that I don’t think of him and wish he was still here. I don’t dwell on it and I don’t let it control my life. But I miss him. And movies like “Dragonfly” remind me of that. I still have to watch - I can’t let my emotions control my life. But sometimes it just hurts, all over again.

Life tests some of us more than others. As a friend said to me recently… “I don’t understand why some people have it so difficult while others seem to live an enchanted life.” I don’t know the answer to that. I only know that I’ve been given a lot of things to deal with in life and haven’t had much choice in what those things were. But my faith in God and my knowledge that He will never give me more than I can handle have brought me through.

I am OK. I may not be deliriously happy - but I’m not unhappy. I’ve suffered another setback in life but I’ll survive. I have been forced, at times, to live by my motto: “You never know how strong you can be until being strong is the only choice you have.” But I’ve always found the strength.

It may sound as if I’m bragging on myself but I can assure you I’m not. I’d much rather have that enchanted life. There are so many things I wish had happened differently in my life or that I could have known the outcome of beforehand. But we don’t have that luxury. We’re forced to play the hand we’re dealt. I’m still playing. My pile of chips is a bit low right now but I’m still in the game. And I plan to build that pile up again, slowly, and keep playing until the end. And I thank those in my life who show me the patience and encouragement I need when necessary, and who kick me in the butt when I need it. Thanks for not letting me feel sorry for myself too often or for too long.